Alone in a forest, broad evergreens encapsulate me until my sense of direction is lost. My ribs hiss under the pressure of a banging heart. Thick heaviness fills the air, my breath catches with each inhale. Panic shivers down my spine and self-preservation forces my concrete feet to shuffle through unknown fogginess.

A lake made of glass beacons me near. Indian-style, I sit at the bank - my eyes close with ease, as if they have a knowing I’m not yet privy to. The pitter-patter of water against hard earth begins to disarm my defenses.

My wish in this instant is to be small. To grab ahold of a parental hand and be lead to safety. War rages inside my head and I can’t help but be angry at choices that’ve lead me here. A stirring in my gut swells until it echoes through my veins, you are a child beloved, Mine.

My eyes peel open, my hands already in a surrendered position. I recount aloud every dense, dark night I crawled through. Every breath accounted for as if it could be the last. The ghosts I unearthed and buried again in forgiveness.

The enemy of my soul sneaks behind me, whispers of shame and hopelessness blow around with the wind.

I stand to my feet, dig my heels into the ground, and stretch my palms to the sky. I proclaim His promises one by one. I tell the trees that the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob is my God, too. I look straight into the sun and tell her she was made for me, each time she rises is a promise kept by God that joy will come in the morning. I wiggle my toes in the dirt and examine my skin...freckles, scars, tan lines. From this dirt I was made in His image.

The wind of the enemy swirls around my body like a tornado taunting the Jesus in me. Laughter bubbles from my lips as the Holy Spirit reminds me where my peace is found. I am no longer bound by fear, shame or betrayal. I believe with my whole heart God sent His one and only Son to die on the cross for my sins. As He was with Moses, so He is with me. He’ll never leave me or forsake me! You have no power over me liar.

The presence of God surrounds me and continual worship flows from my lips.

Every praise and hallelujah is a blow to the enemy and an act of rebellion against the lies he spews. Each time old haunts rattle and bang on the door of my mind I will preach them down into the depths they belong.

My war cry: I am a child of God, The Most High, my soul has been redeemed. I belong to El Roi, He sees me and will never stop chasing my heart. He works everything together for my good because I love Him and no weapon formed against me shall prosper. By grace through faith I have been forgiven.

The enemy slinks back into the pit he belongs.

I awake with dirt under my fingernails and renewed hope in my soul.

*Reference verses: John 3:16, Job 33:28, Joshua 1:5, Genesis 16:13, Romans 8:28, Isaiah 54:17, Ephesians 2:8-9

From This Dirt, I Was Made