You know you need to read this if your heart leapt out of your chest when reading the title. So many people carry the weight of how their father shaped them. Good, bad or indifferent. We know the stories and the many different scenarios of fatherhood that have made us into the adults we are today. If you have father wounds or know someone who does, this guide will help you to begin the journey of healing.

Changing Your View of Your Father Changes Your View of God

It is not a mystery there is this direct relationship to how we view God and the way we view our own earthly fathers.

If our dad was angry or impatient, we tend to view God as an angry, impatient and unforgiving Father, too. On the other hand, if your father was kind, generous and caring, you may tend to view God in the same way.

List out all of the wonderful qualities of God and what makes Him the perfect father. Pray those things over your Heavenly Father.

You may not see this miraculous transformation from your father in the present, but you will begin to penetrate the truths and goodness of our heavenly Father into your heart. The lack you may have felt will begin to be transformed into a loving sense of security of the Heavenly Father you so closely possess.

Your Dad is a Broken Human, Too

This is a fairly reasonable concept to grasp. However, when we are stuck in the emotions of our juvenile selves, we are still those little children expecting our fathers to be our safe place.

It wasn’t until my mid- to late-twenties, over a long and awkward conversation with my own father, did I come to such a realization. Finally, the little 6-year-old I left on the bed weeping after finding out my parents were getting a divorce, was able to walk out of that room and into the adult she was.

I took the time to ask the hard questions. I asked for a candid conversation with my father about the events that took place. I had still been living through the lens of my juvenile mind. As my father shared his own brokenness, addictions and struggles with grief, my heart began to soften toward him. Toward the man I saw through my little girl lens.

The Holy Spirit was sweet to enlighten me to the fact that, just like I am struggling as an adult and just as I am trying my best with what I have to give, so was he at that time. Just as I am allowed to be broken, make mistakes and still be fully loved and forgiven in Christ, my father is, too.

Give the Gift of a Future

We hear the phrase “life is short.” We all know it to be painfully true when we least expect it. As my father ages, I realize how fragile life really is.

Do I want my grievances with my father to be a direct choice for my children? As there begins to be honesty and confession, it's easier to let your heart soften to the idea of your father being present in your life again. Even if that means as the best grandfather and not making up for not being the best father for you.

As my phone rang and we saw it was my dad calling, my husband noticed I effortlessly ignored the call without a flinch. My husband of course asks, “why didn’t you answer your dads call?” And as easy as I took a breath my reply was simply, “I just don’t feel like hearing him talk about himself.” With complete shock my husband lovingly but firmly replied, “at least you have a father who can call.” Imagine my guilt overflowing into embarrassment as I think how my husband lost his father years before. And how arrogantly I believe I may have another day to just call him back. Life is not a guarantee and we know tomorrow is not promised.

Give your father the gift of a future in your life — it’s never too late to start again.

A Guide to Healing Father Wounds