Examining My Wants
What do you want?
This can be one of the most difficult questions for me to answer. It's easy for me to get caught up in what I think I should want instead of what I actually want. Our culture tells us that there are some things we all should desire, but what do you do when you realize you don't want those things?
Toward the end of 2020, I got a call from my mom, who suggested we buy a house together. Then, less than a week later, I was talking with a friend who went on and on about how everyone wants a house. As I reflected on both of those conversations, I realized that I actually don't want that, at least not right now.
Though the world tells me that being a homeowner is what I should want—and it is great for many people—it's just not my season for that. While many of my friends are buying houses right now, that's not what I want. The idea of owning my own home doesn't give me peace. Instead, it gives me anxiety.
This is a small example, but 2020 taught me the importance of spending time with myself and examining what I want—not what the world, my friends or my family say I should want.
During 2020, I realized that:
— I want to be physically healthy because I want to feel comfortable in my own skin, not because society tells me I need to be a size 2.
— I want to care for my own emotional and spiritual health because I am worth it, not just because others need me.
— I want to write and create because I love it, not solely for a paycheck.
— I want to learn how to rest, not just because God commands it, but because it's a gift He gives us.
I realize I'm in a very fortunate position in this regard; since I'm single and childless, I can go after my dreams and my wants without many distractions. I also don't have the wants or needs of others competing for my attention. But I don't believe this examination of our desires is just for single people like me—it's for all of us.
Moms, wives, women…what do you truly want? What, in your gut, are you craving right now? What does your soul desire?
And I'm not talking about making a bad food choice or craving a plate of chocolate chip cookies. I want to get at those things that your soul craves.
Did something come to mind? If so, I encourage you to bring that to the Lord and talk with Him about it. Come up with a plan with God and your family, and then go after that thing. This could even be a fun thing to do as a family—ask them what they want and work together to go after healthy, soul-satisfying, God-honoring things together.
If something didn't come to mind, no worries! Maybe set aside a little time for yourself to ask the Holy Spirit for His insight. Make space to revisit old dreams with Him and decide if you still want those things.
"Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4 (ESV)
As we delight in God, He changes what we desire. Our wants change in the presence of Jesus. As we submit to Him more and more, our desires today will differ greatly from our past desires. They'll look different from the wants of the world and that's okay.
Last year has taught me that it's okay to want things that might look odd or unusual to the rest of society. If those are God-given desires, then we should go after them with all we have! It might take months or years to get those wants, but I think taking the time to examine our hearts and minds with God to identify our desires is a great place to start.
Hopefully, "What do you want?" won't be as difficult a question to answer in 2021. Let's give ourselves permission to own what we want and go after the things our souls crave!
