“And forgive us our debts, as we have forgiven our debtors [letting go of both the wrong and the resentment].”

In my previous blog (God's Unchanging Character), I mentioned I was feeling very isolated. I've always been a more introverted person, so I've never minded being alone and always being home before. I really couldn't understand the sudden need to be around people, to the point where if I wasn't around friends for a few days I felt as though I would fall apart.

I thought feeling lonely was my problem. It wasn't until that feeling became so overwhelming that I finally talked to a friend about what was going on, and they helped me realize the real root of everything I had been feeling was anger. My friend reminded me of this scripture:

“And do not give the devil an opportunity [to lead you into sin by holding a grudge, or nurturing anger, or harboring resentment, or cultivating bitterness].”

Because I was holding onto anger and unforgiveness, it gave the devil a foothold in my life. And while God never stopped loving me, that hindered me from feeling His love so I looked for it in everyone else. My friend lead me through a prayer of forgiveness and I began to heal.

Later in the year, as I was reading through Isaiah and Jeremiah, I felt God's love from reading about how much He loves Israel and knowing that same love and mercy extends to me. God speaks about how they act as an unfaithful, adulterous wife because they turn from Him time and time again. And yet, He still talks about His plan of redemption for them and calls them, "My [precious] inheritance...the [dearly] beloved of My life.” (Jeremiah 12:7, Amplified Bible)

The bible study I worked on suggested I listen to the song Mercy by Amanda Cook. I've heard the song before, but I never realized how powerful and amazing the truth of the lyrics were. The first verse goes:

"My past embraced

My sin forgiven

I'm blameless in Your sight

My history rewritten"

A few days later, the person who I was angry with before acted the way they used to and I felt so angry again. I remembered how soothing this song sounded so I listened to it again to calm down. When I heard "my history rewritten" I felt God say to me, "You need to do that for this person.” So I released the anger but still thought, "Okay God, but I was rightfully angry", and I felt God reminding me, "I could say the same thing, but I never hold onto that anger or hold anything against you."

Often we hear that when we forgive someone it doesn't mean we have to trust them again. I think it can be using wisdom to an extent, because we don't have to allow people to repeatedly take advantage and hurt us. In my situation, this person was genuinely trying to do better. But until God told me I needed to rewrite their past, I didn't really think about the way I was still holding it against them. In having my guard up I didn’t realize how untrusting I was that they really changed, and I was just waiting for them to mess up again. But that isn’t the way God forgives us.

“Then Peter came to Him and asked, 'Lord, how many times will my brother sin against me and I forgive him and let it go? Up to seven times?' Jesus answered him, 'I say to you, not up to seven times, but seventy times seven.’”

Just like God did for Israel, and like He does for us, we need to extend that same mercy to others again and again. As Matthew 6:12 says, not only letting go of the wrong but also the resentment.

Facing Forgiveness