Listen to Yourself
Do you ever take time to think about why you do what you do?
I will often do something odd and then stop and think about why I took such a strange action. Just a few weeks ago, I realized I always walk around my apartment every time I brush my teeth. It's part of my daily routine and I do it without thinking. When I realized this was abnormal behavior, I wondered where this quirk came from. How did I become a person who can't brush her teeth while standing still?
Some habits are fun to speculate about, like my strange oral hygiene routine. Still, others are harder to identify and are often much more insidious in our lives.
The other day, as I was hard at work, I recognized that I was hungry but it wasn't time for me to be hungry. It wasn't my usual lunchtime, so I pushed that fleeting thought out of my mind and continued typing whatever email I was working on. Half an hour or so later, I remembered that I was hungry, but it still wasn't my normal eating time. What had earlier been a mere observation, quickly turned to judgment. Instead of noticing the physical needs of my body and responding appropriately, I told myself that I shouldn't be hungry. I didn't listen to my body and what it needed.
Later that night, I began to feel tired around 8:30 p.m. This was strange because I will often write late into the night, and I rarely fall asleep before midnight. Instead of stopping my work to rest and relax, I powered through. I told myself "you shouldn't be tired," and continued doing what I was doing. Again, I didn't listen to myself; I responded to my physical needs with judgment instead of honoring the natural alert systems my body has created.
Thankfully, the Lord lovingly opened my eyes to this pattern. I probably developed this habit of ignoring myself many years ago, but this is the first time I clearly saw it. I have made ignoring myself my standard mode of operation.
I think many of us ignore ourselves for different reasons. Maybe we believe we're not worthy, or get too caught up in caring for others, or find our identity in what we do. That last reason I listed really hits home for me. I often see myself as a "working machine" instead of a person who was created to honor God and love others. When I think my sole purpose is achievement, I forget the more important things like slowing down, listening to myself and stewarding the body God has entrusted to me well.
There's a lie going around in the church that our bodies don't matter. It's like we focus so much on the spiritual that we forget to take care of ourselves. We miss the fact that when Jesus spoke about love, he said that we should love those around us as we love ourselves. And listening is an essential part of loving.
I am learning that when my body sends me an alert like "I'm hungry,” “I'm in pain” or “I'm tired,” it's not something that should be ignored. Or when my emotions say “I'm sad,” “I'm angry” or “I'm happy,” I should pause and pay attention.
Every alert happens for a reason and should be attended to, even if we have to wait a few minutes or hours to do so. I am finding that by listening to myself, I'm learning more about who God is and who He created me to be.
I'm not saying we should give in to every impulse or focus solely on ourselves — no way! I believe that the way we steward ourselves reveals so much about our priorities. When I ignore myself physically, there's a good chance I'm also ignoring other vital areas of my life. Often, in the seasons when I'm listening to God more, I listen to my physical and emotional needs even more. God cares about my physical body and my emotional health, and I'm learning that I should, too.
Often these alerts and my responses reveal an unhealthy habit I've developed or a hurt that I have swept under the rug. And the good news is that God always reveals to restore.
For me, learning to listen to myself is hard and uncomfortable. I don't like having to admit when I'm exhausted or in pain — I want to be invincible and be the hero of my own story (hello pride!). I don't want to feel my emotions because they aren't efficient or convenient — I can make productivity my prize instead of maintaining a correct perspective.
These are lies that need to be replaced with truth and habits that need to be broken in my life. These natural alert systems and my responses to them often reveal hidden (and not so hidden) idols in my life; things that need to be uprooted from my life. God longs for me to see myself and live like who I truly am: His beloved daughter. And He wants the same for you.
Are there any physical or emotional alerts you've been ignoring? Judging? Shaming?
If so, you are not alone! If you have been ignoring yourself, there's endless grace and freedom available to you today. I encourage you to just spend a few minutes with God and lay that habit at His feet. I pray that He would reveal these areas we've been ignoring and give us the courage to respond appropriately. Remember, He is passionately seeking you and always speaks grace, love and truth. Let's choose to listen to ourselves and listen to Him today!
