Empathy Through Acknowledgement
We’re in a time where we hear about empathy an awful lot. It’s great that “awareness” about empathy is happening. There’s certainly so much left to learn. Yet, I believe it’s even more important for us to practice empathy.
We get so caught up in the theory of being empathetic that we forget how to take the time to apply it in our daily lives. Empathy is tied with intentionality. You can’t have empathy without taking deliberate time to connect to someone’s pain and situation.
We don’t need to overcomplicate it.
The Apostle Paul wrote, “Yet it was kind of you to share my trouble.” (Philippians 4:14, English Standard Version)
I love how he embodies what a person going through pain really wants and more importantly, needs. Sometimes we think empathy requires a grand gesture, when that isn’t the case.
Paul was relieved and comforted that the Church of Philippians had been there for him during a trying time. They acknowledged the trial and loss he was going through. They met his needs because they took the time to ask how they could help. You can’t help someone if you never ask them how to. They didn’t do it once and then fade out of the picture. But they reached out and provided aid for Paul more than once. They were checking in. Paul states that it wasn’t that he desired the gifts, it was the Philippians’ empathy that touched Paul’s heart.
He felt seen, supported and acknowledged.
Jesus showed us the art of empathy all too well. He was God in human form — he could’ve chosen to brush off people’s pain because He was the actual solution for it. Yet, we see time and again that He stopped and acknowledged each person’s situation. He didn’t perform a miracle without first acknowledging the person’s pain. He recognized the reality they were living in and then He brought transformation.
I love that Jesus took the time to connect with people’s pain. I love that Jesus does the same with us to this day.
Jesus wept due to his best friend’s death. He had the power to change the circumstance, however, He stopped and acknowledged the reality of the loss He was experiencing alongside Mary and Martha. He stepped into the grief and empathized because He understood their frustration with His “tardiness.” He didn’t deflect or justify. He took a moment to weep. Jesus was the miracle maker, He didn’t have to do that. But clearly, He felt it was important to practice the art of empathy.
If Jesus, who was on a clear cut mission to save the world, felt it was important to stop and connect with others’ pain — then I am sure He wants us to do the same.
If we would slow down from our busy lives and acknowledge the reality of the hurting people around us, we would find it easier to empathize. It’s not about having to relate to the person’s pain or grief. There’s no need to compare each other’s pain — pain is pain. You can’t empathize when you are downplaying or dismissing a situation.
Empathy through acknowledgement requires the real deal from us. We must be willing to show up! To be present in people’s hurt.
We can’t shy away from uncomfortable conversations as the person begins to share what’s on their heart. Active listening is essential to empathize with a person. When you’re sharing your pain it’s all too easy to feel like you’re a burden if you see someone’s eyes glazing over and can feel when they’ve disengaged. You can’t fake it. Listen with active ears and a kind heart.
Use your words to affirm and encourage — if you feel the person is allowing you the space to do so. Encouragement is non-judgmental and points out specific facts. Encouragement leads to self-reflection and an increase in self-worth and confidence. This is why encouragement is so much more valuable than relying on generic positivity statements. We can’t swat away pain with a blanket “everything will be okay” or “it’s not so bad” statement.
When we acknowledge someone’s pain we are admitting the existence or truth of their experience. We are bringing freedom to someone when we acknowledge that their pain is real. When we empathize through acknowledgement we are also committing to walk them through to the other side of the pain. We can meet them with Jesus’ truth. We may not have all the answers or the solution, but we know the one who does. He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds. Don’t be afraid to initiate empathy — pick up the phone, send a voice note or text message, mail someone a letter, send them a coffee treat or give them an hour of your time.
The theory of empathy gets stale when we’re not out in the world living it out.