Praying for My Husband - Not What I Thought

I will be the first to admit that marriage is tricky, and I still have a lot to learn. Fortunately, I am married to a man who is, among many things, loyal. We have endured our share of tough seasons and I am sure more will come. We are coming up on 14 years and with our oldest of 3 becoming a teenager this year, we have learned how to be husband and wife right alongside learning how to be Mom and Dad.

I can't speak for my husband, but these years as a spouse have been my undoing and my rebuilding. I brought my wounds and a slightly warped view of Christian marriage to the table. Couple that with an identity crisis of going from a working woman to a stay at home mom before we planned and, well, you can see how we had a few rough patches. I used to cry and beg God to change my husband. I would rant about how unappreciated I was. No one cared about me, they only cared if I was there to clean up the mess or make dinner! Now, this wasn't true, but it sure felt true more times than not.

That hot mess of a wife went through a lot of healing. The healing process is another topic for another time, but can I share with you some tips I have learned about taking an okay marriage and making it one that is life-giving? Even while being in the thick of raising three active school-aged kids.

Pray for your husband.

This is not new advice, but let me confess that more often than not, I took this to mean pray for the husband I wanted him to be. So, I want to be clear about what I mean by pray for your husband. I mean pray for him as a fellow follower of Christ, not in relation to who he is to you. Taking time to pray for our spouse daily might be something you do already. If you don’t, I encourage you to begin this practice. However, if you are at all like me, you tend to have a certain bent when praying for him specifically. You want to pray things over him that benefit you, too. This doesn’t sound too bad in theory, but it is a slippery slope that can put you in a place of pride thinking you know what is best for him and his life. Allow me to suggest a method that has been life-changing for me.

Get your mind right.

Take time to strip away all the titles that have been bestowed on him first: husband, father, provider, etc. Then, visualize him as a man chasing after God. You want to help him by coming alongside him in prayer. Begin with thanking God for who He has made this man to be. Not what he does for you and your family, but who he is. (If you are struggling with naming things that you think describe him because of hurt or conflict in your relationship, ask the Holy Spirit to bring to mind the reasons you fell in love.) Once you have taken time to be in this frame of mind, ask God to help you to see your husband through His eyes. Our Heavenly Father loves your spouse more than you could ever dream of. He knows all of his faults and shortcomings (just like yours), and He looked at them and paid the ultimate price to cover them.

Pray protection over him.

Once you have praised God for the man He has placed in your life, you can begin praying for the areas of his life that you know could use God’s covering. Most husbands carry the burden of being a good provider and others carry the burden of the finances. They have pressure to be a present husband and father, while also leading their family spiritually. Then, they are out in a sinful and broken world with temptations. This is not to say that you as the wife don’t also have to deal with these areas, but this prayer time is not about us. It’s good for us to lay aside all that we are and what we bring for these few moments. I can assure you that it will help to keep your perspective from being too prideful when you can isolate your focus on who God is and what He thinks of your husband. Be super-focused on him and his needs for a few moments a day and watch your entire perspective of who he is as a husband, father and leader in your home shift.

Make a list.

My husband likes to share with me in bits and pieces about his day and what he is working on. He is a small business owner, so it seems we are on a never-ending roller coaster. His job is anything but mundane! As he shares, I like to keep a list in my journal. That way when I get to specifics of what he is currently praying for, I can remember. It seems simple, but how many of us don’t do this because we think we will remember when it is time to pray? I love looking at the list and getting to cross something off because God came through!

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. (Philippians 2:4-5, NIV)

FaithAshley FerrisFebruary 11, 20201 Comment