What Men Want - Part 2
“What are (3) things you want/or would like to hear (or hear more often) from the woman you love?”
“You mean you want me to answer?”
That was the first most common reaction upon asking men this question.
Ranging from newly dating to married over 70 years, I accumulated a mass of widely varying men; while each one was in their own particular stage of life, they all fell into one of three categories.
Have an automatic answer
Want to sit and talk about it with their significant other
Have their significant other want to answer for them
It couldn’t have been predicted that while the men initially felt uncomfortable being asked a question about themselves, the women who were present and/or included in the answering process would automatically get defensive, as though if their man had an answer, it meant they weren’t good enough.
As women, we would never get tired of being doted upon by our significant other, so why would we think it would be any different for them? Relationships are both parties putting in equal amounts of effort. If you expect him to do more than you, what kind of relationship do you really want?
Having to sit back and listen, truly listen not just hear, what the other half of our relationship feels doesn’t always cross our minds. We live in a ME culture which has shaped the ideas of what roles men and woman play in relationships. When we genuinely take a moment and look at our man, if we realize now, we too, should want to make them happy and want to put in extra effort without having ridiculous expectations, we can save ourselves a lot of heartache in the future.
Who looks at relationships with problems and says, yep, that’s what I want?
We might think we aren’t good enough if our man has a long list of answers for things he would like to hear more often, we might think we can’t fulfill what they desire, or we might think their answers are stupid. Frankly, we think too much.
While this question made for radically awkward moments and incredibly loving ones, answers spanned across the board from wanting to be more physical, always being open and honest about concerns and problems, wanting to do things more out of the ordinary to make life more exciting, simply saying I love you and admitting your wrong sometimes….but from over four dozen men, over half the answers came down to one simple idea.
Showing encouragement and appreciation.
It doesn’t seem like a very mind-blowing idea, but at the same time, that’s exactly what it is. Over sex, adventure, humor and looks…appreciation and encouragement.
“I value you and all of the small things you do”
“Understanding of my weaknesses and the fears I go through”
“To be affirmed I am a good husband and father”
“Appreciation for my professional work”
“I appreciate you doing.......could be something as simple as taking out the trash, cutting grass, cooking dinner…just want to know the efforts I am making are noticed and are appreciated”
“Build confidence in the decisions I have made”
“That you see and appreciate how hard I work for us”
Just a small glimpse into how, shockingly, guys don’t want to be torn down and called stupid, they want affirmation that they are enough, that their actions and reactions won’t be met with criticism and scathing remarks, but instead, with grace and love.
Yes, guys do stupid things. No, guys are NOT stupid.
Our relationships do not come down to one thing or one person, our relationships are 100/100. I’m not sure at what point we decided to stop equally encouraging one another and instead place blame. Our relationships should not revolve around “happy wife, happy life,” they should revolve around wanting to make each other better and wanting to understand how the other person feels.
This is not the blame game. If you do that, it will only end badly.
We have the potential to make and sustain beautiful relationships where we actually listen to one another and change the way society and culture say it is “supposed” to be. We should want our relationships to be like our walk with the Lord…constantly learning and growing for the better, for the best.
I encourage you to take the time to stop before you make a snarky comment, to sit and ask how his day was, to simply take the time to encourage and appreciate this wonderful man that is in your life, or take the time to prepare yourself to be the best version of you for when he enters.
Men and Women are amazing and complicated creatures. Never forget that the person in your life, that you love, is an incredible blessing that should be treated like a King as you are his Queen. Sit and talk, sit and encourage, sit and love. Let us be equal and create truly marvelous relationships.
