Redefining Modesty

“Modest is hottest” defined the way many young Christian women were taught to present themselves — including myself. Whether in a specific church or in the general christian culture of the early 2000’s (and long before), immodesty was directly related to how much of your body you were showing.

This perspective was reinforced by a set of rules. This happened in two ways: some people inside and outside churches reinforced these rules culturally, establishing them in unspoken ways, while others literally printed out lists of “rules for Godly fashion” for me and other impressionable pre-teens. At one point I had a list like this taped to my wall, reminding me of ideas like these every time I’d see myself in the mirror:

Never let your shoulders show

Always bring a jacket

Avoid crossbody bags

The basic premise of these lists is that to please God, you must hide your body. Rather than asking us to dress reasonably, these rules demanded we go out of our way to conceal as much of ourselves as we could.

The damage went beyond the physical, though I and a few friends did find that wearing sweaters to stay modest in hot weather was never healthy. The ultimate consequence of these rules is that they pit girls against each other, using modesty as a measure of judgment in an unwinnable contest of pride.

Ultimately, this perspective of modesty is rooted in shame: the shame of our physical presence and shame of the way we relate to others.

But shame is never in God’s plan for His people.

There are no verses in the Bible commanding women to “wear long sleeves all the time” or “shorts much reach beyond your fingertips.” What we do see about a women’s appearance actually has less to do with her clothing and more with her character.

“Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come.” (Proverbs 31:25, English Standard Version)

In this set of proverbs, the excellent woman is described not by her physical appearance, but rather by her emotional and relational attributes. Later, in a very famous verse, a woman is said to deserve praise not because of her “charm” or “beauty,” but for her fear of God. (Proverbs 31:30, ESV) The relationship we have with God is what makes us truly beautiful.

“...women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works.” (1 Timothy 2:9-10, ESV)

In the new testament, Paul writes about how the best type of clothing - that the ideal picture of modesty and self-control - is not braids, gold or rich clothing, but rather good works. Paul doesn’t say we can’t enjoy hairstyles or nice jewelry but rather defines beauty by actions rather than appearance.

I am learning that modesty is a choice, but it is not about covering up or reacting in fear. Modesty, as seen over and over again in the Bible, is about the way we carry ourselves: with strength, dignity and goodness.

All of these things are rooted not in shame, but in the confidence we have that God sees — and loves — our hearts. It is that love that helps us make choices in the way we dress, in the way we treat others and in the way we honor ourselves.

Modesty is not easy to define if we see it as a mere list of rules. But when we see modesty as an expression of our relationship with God, we can see it clearly as a reflection of the way He first loves us.

"Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7, ESV)

WomanhoodTami OrendainOctober 31, 2019Comment