Finding a Mentor - Part 3
In this three-part series, I’ve shared with you about the impact that having a mentor in your life will have in your life, and you’ve gotten to see how having a mentor has impacted the lives of all the women in The Mentoring Co. But there’s still one important aspect of this whole mentoring thing that we’ve yet to talk about, and that is the actual process of finding a mentor.
Finding a mentor may sound hard or overwhelming, but I think we have a tendency to overcomplicate things (I know I do). I want to share with you three simple steps to find a mentor and implement this essential relationship in your life.
In this three-part series, I’ve shared with you about the impact that having a mentor in your life will have in your life, and you’ve gotten to see how having a mentor has impacted the lives of all the women in The Mentoring Co. But there’s still one important aspect of this whole mentoring thing that we’ve yet to talk about, and that is the actual process of finding a mentor.
Finding a mentor may sound hard or overwhelming, but I think we have a tendency to overcomplicate things (I know I do). I want to share with you three simple steps to find a mentor and implement this essential relationship in your life.
Ask. You’ll never find yourself in a meaningful mentoring relationship if you don’t first ask someone to be your mentor. In my experience, the older women we want mentoring us aren’t the type of women to approach us and suggest we need a mentor. In fact, many of the older women who would make great mentors are far too humble to assume that role in our lives on their own. We must approach them and make the request.
This can feel intimidating. Asking someone to be your mentor may be too overwhelming for you to do. I get it. I think what it all comes down to is, which hard thing would you rather do – ask someone to be your mentor or walk this mountain trail alone? Only you can answer that question. Just remember if you don’t ask at all, the answer is always no. Pray about it, and see how God leads you.
One last thing about asking: start small. As I said, many older women are intimidated by the thought of being someone’s mentor; they don’t feel equipped for the role. So if you ask someone to be your mentor, she might feel uneasy. But if you ask her if you can buy her coffee and ask her a few questions about her marriage, being a mom, or her career, she’ll probably say yes. That’s called a low barrier of entry. Make it easy for people to say yes the first time, and over time, they’ll continue to say yes even when what you’re asking is a little more involved. Start by asking her to coffee, make it a regular date, and before you know it, you’ll be in a mentoring relationship that feels natural, easy and meaningful.
Be Vulnerable. The word “vulnerable” comes from the Latin word “vulnus,” which means “wound.” Imagine you’re on a battlefield and you’re injured. The only medic on the field is part of the enemy forces, but when she sees that you’re injured, she sheaths her sword, rushes over to you and offers to help. In that moment, you have a decision to make: take off your armor and let her help you at the risk that she might actually use that opportunity when you’re unprotected to wound you further, or keep your armor on and risk more pain and damage.
Being vulnerable means taking your armor off in front of a person who is wielding a sword, but trusting that she won’t stab you with it. She very well could. But you’re willing to take that risk, because the benefit of her presence outweighs the pain of leaving your armor on.
The whole point of having a mentor is to have someone who has been where you currently are and who can give you guidance as you go through it yourself. That can’t happen if we aren’t willing to take the armor off, put our true selves on display and give our mentors a glimpse into our wounds.
Commit (whatever that means to you). This is the hardest one for me. Sometimes making a commitment can feel like I’m locking myself in, removing any choice or freedom I have. Maybe you can relate. Before you think of your relationship with your mentor as some big commitment, just remember: it is your mentoring relationship. There are no rules, it’s up to you and her to make it a meaningful experience for both of you.
That said, it is a good idea to set some parameters around your mentoring relationship and stick to them as best as you can. If you and your mentor decide that you’re going to meet once a month, agree on that at the beginning and do your part to make that happen. If it’s important to both of you to text each other throughout the week to check-in, do that – even putting reminders in your phone to make sure you do. If you decide to consistently meet up for six months, focus only on those six months; don’t think about what comes after.
One thing that is helpful for me is to only focus on the next meeting, and at the end of that meeting, set a time and date to meet again. This allows flexibility, but also reminds me of the importance of the integrity that comes with following through when I say I’m going to do something. Whatever it looks like for you and your mentor, simply talk about it upfront and then commit in whatever ways work for the two of you.
Having a mentor can be one of the best things you do on your mountain trail, but it will take a little effort to make it a meaningful part of your life. Once you make the decision, though, to do the work necessary to make it a good experience, the rest will be simple. And of course, the whole point of The Mentoring Co. is to walk that journey with you.
The Mentoring Co. exists to connect women in various life stages to one another for support, encouragement and community. Through The Mentoring Co., younger women are given the opportunity to be guided, challenged and poured into by older women who have wisdom and insights to share. In turn, older women are given the opportunity to walk alongside younger women and pour into them from their own life experience. Women are mentored in the areas of marriage, relationships, friendships, parenting, motherhood, faith, career, budgeting and finances.
If you’d like to get involved with The Mentoring Co., visit this page for more info (and get a free gift while you’re at it).
