Linking Arms - Mentoring Part 2
I don’t know how many times I’ve asked a friend a question that has been challenging me or rolling around in my head; a question that as much as I try, I just can’t come up with an answer. What is even more frustrating than not knowing the answer myself? My friend not knowing the answer either. Then we are both stuck, an important life-question looming over us, with neither of us having the experience or understanding to come up with an answer.
We could throw out suggestions or even flip through the Bible searching for guidance. But what we most often need in those circumstances – to answer those questions we just don’t know the answer to – is someone who has been where we are, who has lived through what we’re experiencing, to tell us what she did when she was in our position that either worked or didn’t.
The impact of someone walking that trail with us after having walked it herself is deep. Linking arms with someone who has done it before is the best answer I could hope for.
The young women who are a part of The Mentoring Co. each have someone who has decided to link arms with them and guide them through the toughest parts of life. But not everyone does.
I asked the young women in The Mentoring Co. what questions they would (or have) asked their mentors. I then asked the mentors in the group to share their answers, not only for the benefit of those young women, but for those of you navigating the mountain trail of life, as well.
Below are their questions and answers:
How do you find clarity when it comes to making major life-changing decisions with your spouse? — Michelle
I try to read my Bible with purpose. When we do this well, we both pray and talk about our prayers and what we are hearing from God. We ask others to pray and share what God is telling them. Most of the time we will see themes develop in what people are hearing from God, and if it aligns with His truths, then we step out in faith in that direction. I have also prayed for signs from God a small handful of times when it seemed we weren’t getting a clear direction. I am a big fan of doing a pros and cons list and asking others to help fill in things we might miss on both sides. — Stacy
We try to talk about it until we are both comfortable with the decision. We obviously pray about it, and we use a pros/cons list where we put a value of importance to the pro or con (1 - not as important to 5- very important). Depending on the topic, we seek advice from others whom we respect. — Angie
How do you deal with seasons in your faith when you don't even want to talk to God? — Sydney
I deal with it by not talking to Him. He is a big God and can handle it. He gives me space, yet I know in the back of my mind He is there waiting patiently for me so it usually doesn’t take long for me to start talking again. — Angie
I shout at God. Or question Him. But silence or hiding never works for me. — Barb
When life is tough, how do you remain close to God and to your partner? — Candy
Saturday church service is the highlight of our week. Connecting with our life group lets us know we aren't alone, and getting out for a date night reminds us that we're in it together. We've made it through what would destroy most couples, so we know God will continue to see us through anything that comes our way. — Anna
We always pray together before going to bed. We wrestle through our doubts and confusion together. It would be so dangerous to not be honest with my spouse and God during those tough times. — Erica
How do you balance the demands of your work life and home life, and still find time for you?— Heather
Being a stay-at-home mom, my work life and home life were one-in-the-same to me. I was able to spend time with my family as I ran the home. Having the kids help around the home with age-appropriate chores to both earn spending money and because they were members of the household helped take a part of the load off of me. Making it fun and entertaining helped them enjoy it more, too. One method that always helped me was to clean as I went along when I cooked or worked on a project. It makes clean-up much less overwhelming afterward. Also, I made a deal with myself that every time I completed a chore (cleaning bathrooms, sorting laundry, etc.) I got to read or watch television or do something fun for 15 to 20 minutes. — Ursula
I’ve done a couple things over the years. Figure out what can truly go undone without the world falling apart and put those things on the back-burner. Also, list what’s most important to least important, then think of your last week and put the time you spent doing those things next to it. Might be quite the eyeopener. Maybe just cutting out a few things can make more time for the things you want/need to do for yourself. You may need to totally rearrange your schedule, but try it for a couple of weeks and go from there. — Angie
I'm still figuring that out...a good nap always helps. — Anna
What do you do to connect with your spouse when you have young children? — Candy
We made sure they went to bed at a decent time and that gave us time together after they were asleep. We always backed each other up when there was a discipline problem. For instance, if I said the daughter was grounded for a certain reason, my spouse backed me up and vice versa. We made sure to spend time together and would get a babysitter so we could go out on date night. — Irene
I think the five love languages come in handy here. Depending on your spouse’s love language, there will be different things from meeting for lunch to writing notes to taking one of their chores and doing it in your spare time so you have a few more moments together. — Angie
How do you compromise with your boyfriend/husband without settling or giving up what's important to you? — Sydney
Sometimes, as important as something might be to me (or I think it is), it may be so much more important emotionally and/or fundamentally to my husband, and he may have a stronger desire to go in the opposite direction. Those are the times I find myself thinking this means more to him than to me, and I can let it go. His happiness in those moments makes it easy. — Ursula
If it goes against my personal values or what God has called me to, it’s a hard pass. Otherwise, there is an understanding of give and take. A willingness to compromise for the good of the relationship. My husband has never asked me to do something that would be against who I am. — Erica
What do you wish you could tell your twenty- or thirty-year-old self? — Hannah
To have at least one close girlfriend I can always be honest with and count on for godly feedback, and to be honest and open with my husband, and not expect him to understand my feelings like my girlfriend can. — Barb
You are so loved and do not have to do anything to “earn” that love. Don’t look for your worth or approval from people, find those things from your Creator. Life is hard and beautiful, but so worth the effort. It is fleeting, so love hard and don’t hold back on expressing your love to others. Enjoy the little things and don’t waste time worrying. — Stacy
Enjoy life! Don’t get hung up on the small stuff. Trust God to carry you through. — Erica
The Mentoring Co. exists to connect women in various life stages to one another for support, encouragement and community. Through The Mentoring Co., younger women are given the opportunity to be guided, challenged and poured into by older women who have wisdom and insights to share. In turn, older women are given the opportunity to walk alongside younger women and pour into them from their own life experiences. Women are mentored in the areas of marriage, relationships, friendships, parenting, motherhood, faith, career, budgeting and finances.
If you’d like to get involved with The Mentoring Co., visit this page for more info and get a free gift while you’re at it!
